NDNation Virginia Tech Postmortem

(ED. NOTE: We don’t write these ourselves! We aren’t insane! This is part of a recurring series in which we compile actual posts from NDNation’s flagship forum, Rock’s House, into a semi-coherent narrative. Original post and explanation is here. We do this every week. Thank you for not yelling at us on Twitter anymore.)

I pray they lose out and miss the. Bowls. Can they? This feels like disputing an incorrect order at Arby’s and receiving an Arby’s gift card from the manager. There is a pubic hair in my curly fries! I could spend a lot of time describing my stool this morning. Suffice to say, it was soft, greasy, and pungent.

The annual Kelly “post 2-loss el foldo” is in full effect. Thomas Aquinas says Kelly suckc. The program is stale…Kelly and staph stink. Are you saying we need a fecal transplant? Salt and urine might work.

Flutie practically jerked off in the booth when VT completed that 50 yard pass. Watching ND FB right now is unsatisfying. It’s like having sex with a condom. There’s relief when they win but you just know it could be far more enjoyable if certain things were changed.

As shallow as Robert Kraft getting a lousy massage. If a tie is like kissing your sister, the Irish got a little tongue from her on Saturday. Brian Kelly has destroyed my love of college football. I can’t stand Kelly and every week have to explain why to my wife! Ah, but you can divorce your wife but we’re stuck with him.

I feel like Kelly just got away with murder. He said we played to the “standard” yesterday. As in “Standard Toilet”? Hey now. He’s a pretty good coach. For me to poop on. I don’t know if he has a small penis, but I’m pretty sure he thinks he has a small penis.

enough of Kelly and Booke. I fell off the wagon and watched until last week, realized my sin, and have vowed again not to watch until the evil trilogy is gone. I can’t remember when I DIDN’T want the Notre Dame football coach fired. I think it was two games into the Weis era. That is sad.

Ian Book was a nut hair under mediocre, at best, but he shook it off, pulled his nuts out and went to work. I have thrice his arm strength and only use it for one thing. You know what it is. I wasn’t a fan of the high-stepping into the endzone. Then the Jordan-esque tongue out, blech. Too much preening.

Entire team got game ball. None should have been given. Shows why Kelly is a loser…Do you think Saban would have given a single game ball out after that shitastic performance? Capri Sun and fruit rollups on the sidelines are next. If I had a time machine, my first choice would be to stop 9/11. My second choice would be to convince Jack’s dad to shoot that one into a tissue.

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