NDNation Northwestern Postmortem

(ED. NOTE: We don’t write these ourselves! We aren’t insane! This is part of a recurring series in which we compile actual posts from NDNation’s flagship forum, Rock’s House, into a semi-coherent narrative. Original post and explanation is here. We do this every week. Thank you for not yelling at us on Twitter anymore.)

NW school spirit is about as passionate as Dorothy and Stan Zbornak’s sex life. Lacking the chops for the Ivy League, the sincere religious commitment for a Notre Dame. Your cheerleaders are ugly. Your toilets don’t flush. And Mustard’s Last Stand is a CDC “hot zone”. That’s two dumps in a row for the Irish to play in. There has to be a joke in there about dumps and the number two.

I feared a shatted bed last night and not because I was at my wife’s 25th reunion with an open bar. But I awoke to clean sheets this morning. Sidenote: As the party was ending this little guy at the end of the night named Khoi (like the fish) who was also there with his wife, whispered into my wife’s ear ”you are still sexy as f—k”. At that point we decided to go home despite offers to go to some after party hosted by some 6’ 9” dude with a pool table and community cocaine in his basement.

Kelly let Fitzgerald off the hook in 2014 and again on Saturday—despite the win. my suspicion is that this scenario is Kelly’s ceiling. Kelly is either too stupid or too stubborn to get with the times. Other schools can hire meatheads. Notre Dame deserves better.

We are a GD travelling circus in Jack’s mind. Did Swarbrick make the right move in retaining Kelly after the 4-8 debacle? I’m still leaning toward no. Weis was a total failure obviously and cycnicism reigned at that point. That plus a few sociopaths here and there have blinded this fan base to a proper appreciation for the current regime. But its too late. The cycysim has crusted over at this point.

Should there be a Wimbush package? How about a Kelly package? Let him take a direct snap and a snack. Speaking of packages……excuse me while I whip this out! The punt block…Kelly said someone released too early. Premature Release? Sounds like a personal problem more than a personnel problem.

I wonder who’s in charge of spiking BK’s water with the calming drugs and turning off and on his sideline headsets. There is nothing to be gained by retaining him. The defense, as a whole, seems to have lost a step. Northwestern pushed us around.

When Northwestern pulled within three, Book and the offense looked as calm as Hindu cows. I went ballistic and replayed it twice for my wife. She patiently listened to my profanity laced tirade and agreed that yes, dear, that was fucking holding.

Fear both Alabama and Death, but not necessarily in that order. But I choose to have faith. Think of each victory as another step closer to Kelly going elsewhere. If you want to get the job, don’t: 1. Show up drunk. 2. Offer to sleep with the boss’s spouse. 3. Throw up on yourself. But we keep doing them.

It just does not feel like a good run because of how the team is winning. I am happy we are 9-0, but simply waiting for the other shoe to drop. Normally we would have a lot to be happy about. But Kelly has a way of sucking the enjoyment out of winning. Computers do not seem to understand defeat. probably because the thrill of victory is not a programmed emotion.

7:30 PM Start time for Nov 10th game in South Bend. I predict major shrinkage for the Seminole vesicles. You can thank global warming. Night games in South Bend really are a a big Fuck You to the fans attending the game. Last night was pretty damned cold. When the rain started, straight back to 10 Mile.

Honestly, does any of this matter…? What if c-a-t really spelled dog? What if six turned out to be nine? What if your Aunt had balls? She would have never married my uncle.