NDNation Offseason Roundup #1

(ED. NOTE: We don’t write these ourselves! We aren’t insane! This is part of a recurring series in which we compile actual posts from NDNation’s flagship forum, Rock’s House, into a semi-coherent narrative. Original post and explanation is here. We do this every week. Thank you for not yelling at us on Twitter anymore.)

Want to feel better about Tommy Rees? You’ve come to the wrong place. “Welcome to the University of We Don’t Give a F*ck.” Hey, Jack, Brian, Jenkings et al., screw you……you collosal confab of pickle-chugging sh!theads. Another wildass dumbass move. ND football is dead meat and has been so since Holtz left. just when you think thing’s can’t get any worse as ND they do…smh. Programs in the shitter downwind from a backed-up septic tank.

Being an ND fan is like being in the twilight zone.  at NO OTHER SCHOOL in the country would Brian Kelly still be the head coach. Not a single one. Makes me question why I waste any time at all following this team with him as coach. I think I won’t.

Kelly’s offense blows chunks and Little Tommy will wet his pants versus Clemson defense. He looks more like a late entrant to a Harry Potter gamers convention than an elite college football coach. No others need apply. Kelly loves the underdog, noodle-armed QB’s. PootND a/k/a GoldSeatsbutI’mnotreallyobsessedwithNDNationwutbutItweetmyassoff and RakesofBologna and the RigneyBoys and BPH will buy it.

Brian Kelly is playing craps with — and squandering — what used to be the greatest tradition in college football. If I didn’t think Kelly was such a meathead, I’d think he was daring ND to fire him. F*ck this whole administration for retaining and empowering this comprehensive meathead knob of an ass-biscuit. It’s disrespectful to the team…to Notre Dame…to the game of football…to the coaching profession.

Definition of insanity. Maybe we need to get Kelly to the hospital. I have no facts but…..it’s my opinion that Kelly is hated by 90% of HCs and Assistants in the business. Not that he would make better hires. One hand washes the other and they both fondle Jack’s balls. We are ND!

Young guys have done pretty well in coaching recent years. Young guys have also worked at Arby’s, died from huffing gas, and so forth. Also, I’m 99% sure the Au Jus sauce at Arby’s is just coffee. That doesn’t mean it’s bad. Just that it’s prescribed as something it isn’t. Kinda like Brian, except he sucks.

And also also, are we going back to “Tommy” now instead of Tom? I think I like Tommy better. Tommy laughs at my jokes. Tom tells HR every time I tell a sales rep his aftershave makes him smell like an anchovies cunt.

Mouth breathing fencepost Kelly will be the de facto offensive coordinator, with Rees just there to execute directives and take blame. no credible OC would take that job. Tough time to be an Irish fan. I’m so disgusted with the insular, small-minded fraudsters running the place. What a bullshit program this is, what a shitshow ND has become. Excuse me while I go puke.

Jurkovec has entered the transfer portal. he has seen enough of the clown show. Kelly does the worst job of developing backup QBs that I have ever seen. The three-star kids are likely more willing to submit to the sadomasochistic bondage that is Kelly’s offensive system. Wonder what Keith and the Rigney boys think about that.

The topper was the Camping World Bowl. You could almost see he was biding his time while making a few handoffs in garbage time, topped by an end-of-game kneel-down, just waiting for the right opportunity to get away from Kelly. Tommy was all in on Clark. Those 3 stars stick together. Like Jews in a mob movie.

I’m ok with it. It frees up my Saturdays. Lean into the suck. this has to be what hell or purgatory feels like, right? Nah, Fuck it. Pass the Bourbon and a fiddle. Rome’s so far burned, we might as well just enjoy the show until Nero’s gone.