NDNation Offseason #3

(ED. NOTE: We don’t write these ourselves! We aren’t insane! This is part of a recurring series in which we compile actual posts from NDNation’s flagship forum, Rock’s House, into a semi-coherent narrative. Original post and explanation is here. We do this every week. Thank you for not yelling at us on Twitter anymore.)

Kelly wants to retire from ND in approx. 5 years. he doesn’t really hide the fact that he is quite satisfied with himself. I question whether we’re all worthy enough. he’s embraced the Iowa level expectations the AD has set for him. Sickening. Don’t worry, in Year 3 they will announce Chuck Martin as Coach in Waiting. Kelly bought a Peloton? And smothered it with his man-boobs. He really is one of us! “Big Chunk.” Kuck Felly!

We are well and truly fooked. I can only imagine the Pavlovian fanboy reaction and retweets now. Fucking embarrassing. Respecting the university’s mission and doing so with dignity- BK gets an F here. I want to throw up and take a shower under scalding water (of the golden shower fame) to wash away the disgust from reading this garbage. Most will poo poo.

bill to be introduced that would re-define amateur athletics. Does this mean my kids may get to play NCAA Football on their Playstation? Yes, but the ND offense only allows WR screens and slow-ass hand-offs. And the defense must play at least 80 plays a game. Scheme? Who gives a shit about that? You musta got manure for your brains. The first thing done in any dynasty is firing Kelly.

Delany retiring at Big Ten. They along with our own money grubbing AD have indeed succeeded in making the regular season much less than what it could be (can’t wait for the Marshall game). At least they can count their filthy lucre which was the code that they lived by. Seriously fuck that guy sideways with a cactus. May he, and Big Ten fans everywhere rot in hell. And Jack Swarbrick can fist himself with a rusty gauntlet.

Hardin stat: ND claimed the top combine showings at wide receiver (Miles Boykin) and defensive line (Jerry Tillery). So we did less, with more, than anyone else. In our underwear. This means ND actually beat Clemson. Seriously what the shit. We underperformed and under recruited. ND closed the gap some with Michigan. People said we would be lucky to win 8 games the last two years. And those people would be right.

2021 QB Tyler Buchner commits to Notre Dame…this commitment is fine. Offers are loosely defined nowadays. Not the highest caliber football at Bishops. 50/50 odds he ever plays at ND. Where did Brandon wimbush end up? I can’t remember.

I sense a little disappointment with Book. the offense didn’t exactly light it up with him at QB. He is basically Tommy Rees with better wheels. The reality is that Kelly’s offense (a unique, mutant, ugly beast) is custom built to cause any QB to fail miserably and crater his career. We might as well root for Ian to be as good as he can.

Have you or any of your practice reporters actually seen any of the players you mention playing any real football so far this spring? Or is it all just based on shorts & t-shirts and half-speed drills in shells? We have a doofus running the show.

I’d rather mow the lawn or clean out the gutters than go to the bowling green or new mexico games. The only home game I would spend money on to see is Southern Cal.  this year’s home slate is so pathetic people will be giving their tickets away for free. “scoring tickets to an ND game” isn’t quite the feat it used to be. For 90% of the home games for the past 10 years they’ve been available before kickoff for pennies on the dollar.

When we visit UNC in 2022, it will have AstroTurf. (sigh) At least they held out longer than ND did. What will that big balled goat of theirs graze on? It’ll be a plastic sheep with chrome truck nutz. Bubba sounds like he’s enjoyed a few too many Whistle Pigs with an esteemed colleague from a certain small mid-western Catholic university…where it’s really hard to grow grass.

Should we feel grateful or slighted that it appears no one was willing to spend half a mil and risk federal prosecution to get their kid into ND? Fraud is to USC what arrogance is to a certain AD and his pet FB HC. USC Asst. AD Apparently was in on the Admission Scandal. Now there’s more than Travellers poop on campus?

I’ve sat on many a throne after a night of Creamers. the cause of many a foul bowel. Is it necessary to “fart” on good news. You’re all worthless and weak. YOU’RE WEAK. Ha you’re such a dork. whereas you hip hop dance at the Linebacker.

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