Emergency NDN Global Pandemic Roundup

(ED. NOTE: We don’t write these ourselves! We aren’t insane! This is part of a recurring series in which we compile actual posts from NDNation’s flagship forum, Rock’s House, into a semi-coherent narrative. Original post and explanation is here. We do this every week. Thank you for not yelling at us on Twitter anymore.)

I think given the risk of Brian Kelly catching the virus we should immediately have Jack drive him to the quarrantine camp in Georgia and we should hire a new coach…He’ll have more time now for fundraising. My thoughts & prayers are with his butthole, which he seems to use for thinking. Perhaps it’s less about fear of the coronavirus and more about fear of having a dirty ass. if I can’t come on here and make fun of some dumb Irishman what the fuck good is it?

Corona Virus update: San Diego has run out of toilet paper. Autograph 8X10 photos of BK flying off shelves in San Diego.  I’m sure Kelly would use the corncob but in different way than most. drink more water and eat apples. This creates stools that require minimal wipeage. It can sometimes create ghost shits where even after a hefty movement there is nothing to wipe. A ghost shit is the most desirable dump a human being can take. The train leaves the station and you can’t tell it was ever there. So even if they hoard it all there are choices.

I never crap at home anyway. Ever since my wife turned our bathroom all pink and frilly, I havent been able drop a deuce at home in a couple of years. Why smear poo around when you can blast it away with a pulsating stream of warm water? So uncivilized. Stop with the filthy remarks about Coach Kelly.

Are Jack and BK classified as essential or non-essential? Essential…ly non-essential. Non-remarkable. We used to be somebody. Harder and harder to remember who. It’s disgusting what Jenkins has let our program become: one big bullshit show. He’ll be whistling for 6-6 records until his next extension. Now, go take your dog for a walk or something while I fart in your general direction.

NCAA should allow teams to do “spring practice” in May-June. If it is that soon I could supply toilet paper for the hole team….Why Cancel? Introduce the Brian Kelly Hologram. We are not even remotely close to uncharted territory. What’s new is the irrational panic this time around.

Colzie de-commits. bag man must’ve got him. It must be the women. I’m sure Kelly and crew have the next Robby Parris waiting in the wings. Prediction: The current class(2021)they are recruiting will be ranked out of the top 20 when all is said and done. they are just worthless….

UNLV @ ND Oct. 22, 2022. Gross. I’m surprised it isn’t a home and home series, Anthony Travel would have a field day booking trips to Vegas. Or make it a neutral site game in Reno @ Nevada’s stadium. Cheaper hookers and blow. One stop shop these nuts.

If Kellys offense could get drafted, what round would it go? Whatever round is after the last. Our RBs might as well be Anna and Elsa. Olaf at RB. our offense will have it coming out of both ends. gotta get the runs in somehow.