NDNation Clemson Postmortem

(ED. NOTE: We don’t write these ourselves! We aren’t insane! This is part of a recurring series in which we compile actual posts from NDNation’s flagship forum, Rock’s House, into a semi-coherent narrative. Original post and explanation is here. We do this every week. Thank you for not yelling at us on Twitter anymore.)

Dear Brian Kelly: LEAVE JUST FUCKING LEAVE!!! Was this season truly a mirage ? ? ? I did not watch the game for reasons I guess I am not allowed to detail here. I’ve got news for Kellylovers. There is no hope of a better outcome. the side of the ball that’s his pet shat itself. When Kelly received the award, ND’s season was effectively over. He’s always had that lazy gene in him.

I’d love to see Kelly gone ASAP. This guy’s not going anywhere. I don’t think it’s hyperbole to say that Notre Dame Football as we knew it, ended decades ago. We are Vanderbilt now. We’re Purdue now. We are a MAC team.

The root cause of our problems is the ND alumni base. they have no interest in complaining about anything. They’re almost always really nice, smart people who don’t stand out in any way. They don’t lead anything. The entire ND ethos of “fighting Irish” is gone. We are now the “go along to get along Irish”.

I went out on the swamp that is social media and the great social experiment that is “participation awards” has borne fruit. Those 35 or so and under are all “12-1 what a great season” and if you do bring up that it’s not ” your not a true fan” or you’re just a “bandwagon fan” crap starts coming. I’m 35 and expect excellence. This season fell short. Some alums speak up and are belittled as leather helmeted, anachronisms by the 19 year olds.

Enough from Kelly he must go and now we loose Wimbush for next year!! Any other program would fire him TODAY this is shameful and clearly due to lack of preparation for a big game. The ND football we knew and loved is dead. RIP.

My only regret Is that Dabo didn’t hang 50 on our fucking asshole fraud of a head coach. The silver lining to the blowout: I just took a tremendous dump. Never underestimate the power of a good dump.

This was painless next to 2012. I did get annoyed, at the end of the first half, leading to my mother-in-law openly rolling her eyes at me (her husband was worse). Tell your in-laws to shit in a hat. Games like this make me glad I drink. My Son in law told me at halftime “You aren’t any fun when Notre Dame is losing”. He’ll learn.

ND didn’t belong in the playoff. What Savvy, BK and their supporting media honks are peddling is thinly disguised bulshit and pixie dust. I’d pay for a chance to kick that small-timey ass. His personal growth as a coach and leader is likely entirely due to some admixture of intensive PR counseling, yoga, meditation and daily handfuls of Prozac.

Who is saying he is an elite coach? Unfortunately, many superfans. And douchebloggers. as a human being, I award him zero stars. Brian Kelly drops a turd in the punch bowl. He doesn’t need another coat of paint. He needs another job.

Brian Kelly is our poorman’s Bo Schembechler. That’s like saying a guy who has balls on his truck is a poor man’s Hitler. I mean, yes, both are monsters, but there’s no comparison. Brian Kelly is an asshole and a mediocrity, but he isn’t the world’s ultimate asshole mediocrity.

I would hire Urban Meyer and make no apologies for it. 1 person 2 positions. Let Urban get 6 months of on the job training as OSU’s Asst. AD. Fire both Jack and Kelly. Hire Urban as the new AD & Head Coach.

Can we just admit now that this season was an illusion? For all the celebrating of 12-0, we ought not have forgotten BK’s last performance in a game that mattered. he should resign this weekend. The guy is a cross between a used car salesman, a cheezy politician and a gym teacher. He peaked professionally at Grand Valley State.

All of this hand wringing about not being able to get “the big black stud”. if we were in the SEC with this exact same team? We’d be a 500 team. Kelly and ND’s football program are what they are — downward trending mediocrities.

What on Earth has happened to the place we all love so much? It’s a pygmy program, run by pygmy coaches, hired by a pygmy AD, who is overseen by a moral-pygmy collar. Ergo, on field pygmy results are not surprising.

I think Kelly should gut his entire offensive staff and start over. O-line has been a Kelly weakness. Fire Chip Long. Hire a real OC. Fire Quinn. Hire a good OL coach. Fire Denson. Hire a RB coach that can recruit. Fire Alexander. Hire a WR coach that can recruit. Blow the fucking thing up.

If Fr Jenkins were not President of ND, think he’d even watch CFB? Would he be jumping off the couch in some residence somewhere during the fumble last night, screaming at the TV? Would he have trouble sleeping last night? Would he get online in February to check on national signing day? I suspect football is merely an albatross for him. More depressingly, I doubt there’s a high-up CSC behind Jenkins who is a football fanatic. That type of guy just doesn’t join or last in religious life anymore.

I almost feel bad for Jack. He is a small man and doesn’t have the balls to get out in front of this. I’ll never forget how he was the year we went 4-8. He was nowhere to be found when the season ended. I think our campaign forced him to come out of the woodwork. I hope he feels horrible. Hell, I hope he has explosive diarrhea for the next month. he owns this turd.

Since Kelly (and Swarbrick and Jenkins) will likely be at ND for the foreseeable future, are we now officially in Hell? ND is not troubled by such concerns as competitiveness, so Kelly will remain. shitty NFL teams don’t want the fucking arrogant, egotistical fraud, and faultless prick. He won’t live forever. That’s the only bright side.

I am going to try really, really hard to take a lukewarm interest in the Georgia and Michigan games next year and leave it at that. This has 8-4 and the Pinstripe Bowl written all over it. I could even see them dropping a random game they should win like Stanford or USC if the offensive line doesn’t get its poop in a group. I can’t keep doing this. Somethings gotta give.

Finally, thank you NDN. You’re my therapy. It is so goddamned miserable to invest emotionally in this sorry ass program. It fuckin hurts. I’m drunk. FUCK. And I thought this was one of the best seasons of the board, truly.