10 Things I Hate About You: Pittsburgh

  1. Ah, Pitt. Why do we hate you again? It’s a question worth asking as we start this exercise — off the top of my head, there’s honestly nothing super concrete that jumps to mind. But everyone knows this program is a pest, charging up all their energy into one weirdly superhuman effort per year to knock off a far superior team. That’s some real Boston College shit, which is easy enough to hate.
  2. The 2012 game was, in all sincerity, my least favorite game I attended as a student. I’ll never forget how mad we got at each other, for some reason, as the game progressed? Bets were made by a blogger who will not be named (IT WASN’T ME) that the Irish would lose. It was not fun at all. Kevin Harper, who missed the would-be game winner for Pitt, recently said of his newborn son, “he can go kick at any college, except for Notre Dame.” Fine by us!
  3. I visited Pittsburgh once. It’s basically “what if Wheeling, WV but bigger.” The hills on the way to my buddy’s place were so steep I genuinely thought there was a chance my car would plummet downward if I took the time to pause at a stop sign. Maybe South Bend / Indiana / the Midwest in general being insanely flat is Actually Good (it isn’t).
  4. Their main building is tall (it’s actually the tallest educational building in the Western hemisphere) (it’s called the Cathedral of Learning — we get it, you’re a school), but it still doesn’t have shit on our main building.
  5. You know what’s lame? Playing your home games in an NFL stadium is lame.
  6. I don’t really follow the NFL much anyways, but growing up in Baltimore you are legally and morally required to hate the Steelers. Thank you for blowing up said stadium, comic book villain Bane.
  7. I hate that the football team doesn’t use their throwback jerseys in every single game and for all of their apparel and branding. Thankfully they’ll suit up in their vintage aways on Saturday, but this should be an every week thing, it’s seriously not even a question.
  8. Former Panther Mark May basically made an entire post-play career out of yelling at Lou Holtz and trolling the Notre Dame fanbase as a whole. We probably just shouldn’t have given him the oxygen in the first place. Oops.
  9. Pitt Panthers? More like the ARMPIT Panthers. Rack ‘em.
  10. Pittsburgh Panthers? More like the SHITsburgh Panthers. Thank you and I’m sorry.

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