10 Things I Hate About You: Stanford

  1. David Shaw. You all get it. Really feels like we can just leave it at that.
  2. Their campus is just a biiiiiig oooooole Taco Bell. People who rave about how pretty Stanford is are lame.
  3. Their mascot situation is truly a fiasco. In the 1970s the student body actually voted to change their school nickname to the Robber Barons, which feels appropriate considering the university’s proximity to Silicon Valley, but the administration rejected the switch. Now they’re stuck with a tree, a bird, a color, just pick a goddamn lane already. I’m over it.
  4. We’d be remiss if we didn’t mention their bum-ass band. To be honest, I’m not actually all that mad about the drumming with a cross or the potato famine stuff, they just seem like a bunch of cocky shitheads and their shtick is old as hell.
  5. Their gameday atmosphere is weak, even with their recent success. The Thanksgiving weekend game against us every other year usually has virtually no student section presence, even when the game has had major postseason implications. Say what you will about ND students being nerds, at least we all go to the football games.
  6. They made Ty Willingham look like a competent football coach, which set our program back half a decade when we so graciously took him off their hands.
  7. As I’m sure is the case with everyone reading this right now, I’m sick and fucking tired of losing to Stanford! Brian Kelly has generally done a good job beating rivals throughout his tenure, but Stanford remains a glaring exception. In terms of academic standards, they remain more or less our peer, and we tend to out-recruit them (check out 18 Stripes’ analysis), but we’re still two for our last nine. Fuck!! Please God let this be the year that kicks off an Irish winning streak.
  8. David Shaw again.
  9. Their reputation for clinging to antiquated “manball” tactics gives NDN folk another reason to harrumph about fullbacks.
  10. Finally, this feels like another opportunity to take an easy shot at our friend Jim Harbaugh, former Stanford quarterback and head coach. Loser. Remember when we beat Michigan?

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