NDNation Ball State Postmortem

We will begin today’s NDN recap with a short story (courtesy of Rock’s House, of course). Edited for clarity and length.

 

[fly on the wall at ND coaches meeting today]

Kelly: Ok. Everyone got a donut? Getcherself a goddam donut.

the film guy lopes out of the office that is giving off a stink of sweat and fear.

Silence.

“THERE.WILL BE NO FILM. REVIEW. BECAUSE YOU GUYS. EMBARRASED ME. IN FRONT.OF. THE WHOLE GADDAMMED. COUNTRY!”

I’m a little fly, and I start laughing. Kelly hears it.

I land on the brim of his Starbucks. He swipes and misses, hitting his mocciado and it spills.

I this land on his donut and lick the chocolate.

He tries to slam me, but I jump up exercise a perfect Immelmann and land in the a/c register.

He knows who I am. I’ve done this before.

I’ve been around, ya know. I’ve seen things.

I’m the fly that won’t die.

I remember Lou.

Like I said. I’ve been around.

 

Things that are more fun than watching that game: unclogging a public toilet without gloves or a plunger. Knee deep in shit, but at least the smell is familiar. It’s going to be a rough year, again. What if we win out? What if the queen had balls? The only way I’ll be happy is if we beat everyone soundly and win the national title.

This is not a top 10 team I doubt if they would even win the MAC. Lazy ass voters, we’re not the eighth best team. Virginia Tech is mixing lube and sand together as we speak. This was one of the most disgusting games in recent memory.

this will be Kelly’s wort offense, and they have all been bad, at least against teams who don’t suck. the worts are already showing. those who thought our OL would be business as usual should be thrown from the top of the Dome for being too fucking stupid to walk.

If you are a ND grad and think Kelly can get it done, you should have your degree revoked. The FireBrianKelly.com domain name is not available, presumably owned by Notre Dame Athletics to prevent it from being used; but FireBrianKelly.net can be yours for $12.99. FireJackSwarbrick.com is available for $2.99. Across called this 3 years ago. If Across was head coach at least we would have a fullback, the stadium would still be under 60k, and the Irish guard wouldn’t be a bunch of Rick Moranis stunt doubles.

Kelly is a door to door toaster salesman in the Amazon age. I’ll bet Kelly could f*ck up Aaron Rodgers (I believe Danica Patrick is). Where are you Brian Kelly lovers. Make yourselves known. They are all apart of the Dubmasses now. F the Mick and anyone who still supports him. Enjoy the the rest of your season, Kellylovers. That’s the last game I ever watch under this regime.

What Kelly has produced is not a “program”……it’s a cross between a carnival and a warmed-over 7-day old shit sandwhich in a gold foil wrapper. If anyone has footage of the rumored “fuck you” on the sideline, please post it.

Say, how is our short yardage running game looking? F* We actually lost to Michigan In the only stat that matters. holy shit our best offensive weapon is(no disrespect) a dude that has the same name as the bad guy from Aladdin.

Kelly was keeping Brandon in, because Brandon would be his excuse. His scapegoat. Wimbush would be more Successful on one of Davies’ ND teams. Jurkovec should be the face of ND football now, not next year or the year after. Let’s face it, Kelly can’t coach QBs. You misspelled “FB.” We don’t use fullbacks…oh…you meant football..

I believe in first half adjustments. Drink heavily and be as incoherent as ND’s play calling. I’ll be at the Vandy game in the Burke lot rolling up in a 1999 black Chevy suburban. I’ll out chug anyone there. In the immortal words of T.I. “ I don’t talk about it..I Be about it.”

Hey Brian…errr I mean fuckhead. Go the fuck away. And burn Swarbucks’ house down on your way out of town. This should be the next billboard: Brian Kelly sucks truck nuts.